Time to simplify, no excuses, just doing: First order of business was giving up my summer in Tahoe. There were far more important things in Idaho that needed my attention. There was a man and his two kids that I wanted to experience real life with...we had become pros at stealing moments, always longing and wishing for a time when moments weren't so fleeting. There were weekly Sunday night family dinners that I wanted to be a part of...every Sunday. And a yard that I wanted to mow. And a trip to the grocery store that I wanted to make. And preparations of a "real" meal at a "normal" hour.
It was going to take some bending and learning, but with my experience in following through with things, I knew it could be done. Driven people get things done with a little bit of intentional focus and a willingness to change the things that aren't so appealing.
I tidied up things professionally to benefit me personally. Success #1 and #2. This benefit was not only for me, but for the sake of my relationship...thinking back on it, probably even more so. I also relieved some pressure personally by learning how to say, "no," and allowing myself some time to just be me.
Slowly, but surely I was on a path of cleaning house...simplifying the things that needed simplified. And I found that other areas were gently and quietly falling into place...as they should (aka not as I had intended them too).
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Time, Love...It's Only a Change of Time Part 1
Simplicity. Such an elusive creature that seems to rear its beautiful head every two, or so, years...
Eight years ago it was television that I gave up. Six years ago it was time to give up Facebook. Four years ago I was clearing space for 10 minutes of me time daily...by running.
Giving up TV was a piece of cake, I've never missed having it. Facebook was almost as easy, I only logged in one time by mistake...and that was this past winter. The running was not as easy though, it was a mental shift...and mental challenge. I found that I was not above running in jeans, or Chaco's, or while waiting for a table at The Stagecoach, or inside my house from front door to back door, over and over. I just made it happen. I even made it happen when I had a boot on my foot for 6 weeks from a broken toe. For that one, I'm sure I provided some comic relief around my neighborhood.
I only remember one instance when I thought about giving up...one time, that's all. I had managed to work a full day, tied up the loose ends with work and home and found myself ready for bed at 11:37pm. Any night that I get to bed before midnight is a victory. I followed through my evening ritual of showering and changing into pjs...and I released a sigh as my head hit the pillow. Another day in the books and I would soon be off into a peaceful slumber. But...my peace was quickly disrupted as I thought about my day and realized I had not gone on my run...and the clock was 11:53pm. I rolled my eyes and let out a defeated groan, and cursed the stupid existence of my running routine, and tried talking myself into many excuses, but none prevailed....it wasn't easy and it took everything I had to get back out of bed. But I did and went for that silly 10 minute run at 11:58pm. In my pjs. Ultimately, I just got over it! I was not about to give up the effort that I had put into the prior 300-something days of running.
I made it happen for a year and a half...every day, not a single day missed. I just did it. No harm done. There were days I bitched and complained, laughed and cried, smiled and loved every minute of it. It wasn't about going fast, or slow, or how far..it was about letting go of excuses and getting over the noise. No. Matter. What. Simply making time for me to do something, without interruption.
And I did.
WARNING! Excuse-time:
Then about two years ago things got really busy in life, professionally and personally.
A good kind of busy; a relationship, a family, a studio bursting at the seams, and me going with the busy flow...something I can do really well! And then I blinked my eyes and looked at my calendar...two years had passed and I was worn out. Weekends were spent with competitions girls, weekdays were filled with classes, downtime was non-existant. I knew my neighbor mowed my yard...but I didn't realize it was every week...and planted flowers...every year. And dance families brought me dinner to eat...and the nights they didn't, I would have a one food group meal of chicken, at some crazy hour. And a mom that ran errands for me and did all of my grocery shopping...or all of my shopping for that matter.
That elusive simplicity thing that I had been trying so hard to cultivate, well I had completely lost grasp of it...without knowing or taking a moment to realize how quickly life was passing me by. I needed a break, in a major way.
That was this time last year. That's the funny thing about timing...last year, what? Seems like yesterday.
Eight years ago it was television that I gave up. Six years ago it was time to give up Facebook. Four years ago I was clearing space for 10 minutes of me time daily...by running.
Giving up TV was a piece of cake, I've never missed having it. Facebook was almost as easy, I only logged in one time by mistake...and that was this past winter. The running was not as easy though, it was a mental shift...and mental challenge. I found that I was not above running in jeans, or Chaco's, or while waiting for a table at The Stagecoach, or inside my house from front door to back door, over and over. I just made it happen. I even made it happen when I had a boot on my foot for 6 weeks from a broken toe. For that one, I'm sure I provided some comic relief around my neighborhood.
I only remember one instance when I thought about giving up...one time, that's all. I had managed to work a full day, tied up the loose ends with work and home and found myself ready for bed at 11:37pm. Any night that I get to bed before midnight is a victory. I followed through my evening ritual of showering and changing into pjs...and I released a sigh as my head hit the pillow. Another day in the books and I would soon be off into a peaceful slumber. But...my peace was quickly disrupted as I thought about my day and realized I had not gone on my run...and the clock was 11:53pm. I rolled my eyes and let out a defeated groan, and cursed the stupid existence of my running routine, and tried talking myself into many excuses, but none prevailed....it wasn't easy and it took everything I had to get back out of bed. But I did and went for that silly 10 minute run at 11:58pm. In my pjs. Ultimately, I just got over it! I was not about to give up the effort that I had put into the prior 300-something days of running.
I made it happen for a year and a half...every day, not a single day missed. I just did it. No harm done. There were days I bitched and complained, laughed and cried, smiled and loved every minute of it. It wasn't about going fast, or slow, or how far..it was about letting go of excuses and getting over the noise. No. Matter. What. Simply making time for me to do something, without interruption.
And I did.
WARNING! Excuse-time:
Then about two years ago things got really busy in life, professionally and personally.
A good kind of busy; a relationship, a family, a studio bursting at the seams, and me going with the busy flow...something I can do really well! And then I blinked my eyes and looked at my calendar...two years had passed and I was worn out. Weekends were spent with competitions girls, weekdays were filled with classes, downtime was non-existant. I knew my neighbor mowed my yard...but I didn't realize it was every week...and planted flowers...every year. And dance families brought me dinner to eat...and the nights they didn't, I would have a one food group meal of chicken, at some crazy hour. And a mom that ran errands for me and did all of my grocery shopping...or all of my shopping for that matter.
That elusive simplicity thing that I had been trying so hard to cultivate, well I had completely lost grasp of it...without knowing or taking a moment to realize how quickly life was passing me by. I needed a break, in a major way.
That was this time last year. That's the funny thing about timing...last year, what? Seems like yesterday.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
I Wanna See it When You Find Out What Comets, Stars, and Moons Are All About
A lot of you ask how this trip came to be...and as stated in a previous blog post, in short, it was an epiphany had when the timing of a magazine article collided with the moment I was figuring out what being "all in" was really about. At least, that's when I figured it out...but it really goes back about 7 years to a chilly January afternoon in Washington, D.C. And for those that don't believe in things working out in mysterious ways, just read on...it took me 6 years to grasp it all. If it were not for the following events I am positive, beyond any doubt, that I would not be on this ride today:
President Obama's first inauguration.
A flippant request for a reserved seat at said historical event.
A flippant request being granted.
Standby tickets on Southwest.
A friends sister living in Arlington.
A 5 minute shuttle bus encounter at Arlington National Cemetery with the Omaha Police Department.
Email exchange of pictures with OPD.
Cordial conversations spanning years in-between.
A RAGBRIA Ride (a bike ride across the state of Iowa with 20,000 of your closest friends) and a happen chance introduction of a dance dad from Star, Idaho and a police officer from Omaha, Nebraska...and the connection of a mutual friend.
A divorce.
Cordial conversations spanning months, weeks, or days via text.
Bicycling Magazine.
Epiphanies of being all in.
A breakup.
And a friend that makes you feel human.
...and that's how the blue bike, named Cheshire, came to be. I walked into Bob's Bicycles in Boise, Idaho as the owner of 4 bikes...and walked out as the owner of 5 bikes...and I hadn't bought a new one...I was confused at the salesman's statement, "this is your bike, you've just been asked to pay it forward...you can take it now, or later, but it's yours..."
I am proud to call John, an Omaha police officer, my friend...although we've only met for a very brief 5 minute encounter in our nations cemetery, I have never had a friend be as rock solid as he. Thanks for being there buddy, and for respecting the unknown adventures of life as much as I do. You are my kind of friend...someday you ride The Big Dummy and I'll ride Cheshire and meet you where there are 4 billion stars to sleep under against the backdrop of breathtaking beauty...that would be rad!
President Obama's first inauguration.
A flippant request for a reserved seat at said historical event.
A flippant request being granted.
Standby tickets on Southwest.
A friends sister living in Arlington.
A 5 minute shuttle bus encounter at Arlington National Cemetery with the Omaha Police Department.
Email exchange of pictures with OPD.
Cordial conversations spanning years in-between.
A RAGBRIA Ride (a bike ride across the state of Iowa with 20,000 of your closest friends) and a happen chance introduction of a dance dad from Star, Idaho and a police officer from Omaha, Nebraska...and the connection of a mutual friend.
A divorce.
Cordial conversations spanning months, weeks, or days via text.
Bicycling Magazine.
Epiphanies of being all in.
A breakup.
And a friend that makes you feel human.
...and that's how the blue bike, named Cheshire, came to be. I walked into Bob's Bicycles in Boise, Idaho as the owner of 4 bikes...and walked out as the owner of 5 bikes...and I hadn't bought a new one...I was confused at the salesman's statement, "this is your bike, you've just been asked to pay it forward...you can take it now, or later, but it's yours..."
I am proud to call John, an Omaha police officer, my friend...although we've only met for a very brief 5 minute encounter in our nations cemetery, I have never had a friend be as rock solid as he. Thanks for being there buddy, and for respecting the unknown adventures of life as much as I do. You are my kind of friend...someday you ride The Big Dummy and I'll ride Cheshire and meet you where there are 4 billion stars to sleep under against the backdrop of breathtaking beauty...that would be rad!
Friday, June 17, 2016
Simple Friday Night
Lottery tickets and PB cookies. Such little things like picking up my favorite PB cookies from a truck stop in Caldwell, Idaho. Not some pre-packaged, mass produced cookies...but the homemade sort that are sold in Ziplock bags. My favorite cookies that I told him about years ago. He still remembers, and always stops to pick me up a bag. And buys a lottery ticket...in hopes that I'll have a big payout someday. Kindness, plain and simple.
Flowers left at the studio door...not once, but multiple times. Just to bring me a smile. Unselfish, plain and simple.
A blue bike named Cheshire...for a trip of a lifetime. Giving, plain and simple.
Coffee dates. We need about 10 hours to catch-up...but two will be ok until next time. And a cup of coffee is a whole lot cheaper than therapy! Thanks buddy for always being there to share BS with, to cry with, to laugh with, and to cuss with, and to sweat with...sans filters, sans make-up, just plain ole being. Friendship, plain and simple.
Steak dinner...from my best friend. Love, plain and simple.
Fro-Yo and conversation...stories of defeat, growth, and bewilderment. T-shirt and flip flops kind of friendships. Nothing fancy, just living in the moment. Sharing, plain and simple.
Dance Moms...the best in the world. You work behind the scenes for no pay and make everything happen. You know how to heard cats, change costumes in less than 1 minute, deliver props, and sweat. Being there, plain and simple.
Fresh picked strawberries and asparagus...fresh food delivered to a busy ballerina. Not to mention the boxes of Trio Bars and weekly P&G coupons. Care, plain and simple.
The mileage and sacrifices...time, which is fleeting and not always easy to come by. Although your children don't recognize the sacrifices you make, I do. You've grown with me, you've moved with me, you drove to me, you've given me opportunities. Some of you for 10 years. Thank you, deeply and truly. Support, plain and simple.
Out of town guests making it a point to visit me on whirlwind trips. Talking baseball, drinking beer, and connecting over intellectual conversation and the things that make us real. You ask me hard questions. Thanks. Compassion, plain and simple.
Saint Christopher pendant...Concern, plain and simple.
Coffee/Hot Chocolate, Mani/Pedi, lunch, paddle boats, monkey bars, sno cones...what a fun day! Best date ever. Can we do it again soon? Love, plain and simple.
Fresh cut flowers...to smell long and prosper. Living in the moment, plain and simple.
To the people that understand me....awww, shucks, you guys are pretty awesome!Thanks for filling me up and loving me just the way I am. Some of you I've known my entire life, some just a few short years, some for 5 minutes...but you have all touched me in ways that are beyond comprehension. Your connection, thank you. You bring balance to my peaceful center. You are my kind...plain and simple.
Flowers left at the studio door...not once, but multiple times. Just to bring me a smile. Unselfish, plain and simple.
A blue bike named Cheshire...for a trip of a lifetime. Giving, plain and simple.
Coffee dates. We need about 10 hours to catch-up...but two will be ok until next time. And a cup of coffee is a whole lot cheaper than therapy! Thanks buddy for always being there to share BS with, to cry with, to laugh with, and to cuss with, and to sweat with...sans filters, sans make-up, just plain ole being. Friendship, plain and simple.
Steak dinner...from my best friend. Love, plain and simple.
Fro-Yo and conversation...stories of defeat, growth, and bewilderment. T-shirt and flip flops kind of friendships. Nothing fancy, just living in the moment. Sharing, plain and simple.
Dance Moms...the best in the world. You work behind the scenes for no pay and make everything happen. You know how to heard cats, change costumes in less than 1 minute, deliver props, and sweat. Being there, plain and simple.
Fresh picked strawberries and asparagus...fresh food delivered to a busy ballerina. Not to mention the boxes of Trio Bars and weekly P&G coupons. Care, plain and simple.
The mileage and sacrifices...time, which is fleeting and not always easy to come by. Although your children don't recognize the sacrifices you make, I do. You've grown with me, you've moved with me, you drove to me, you've given me opportunities. Some of you for 10 years. Thank you, deeply and truly. Support, plain and simple.
Out of town guests making it a point to visit me on whirlwind trips. Talking baseball, drinking beer, and connecting over intellectual conversation and the things that make us real. You ask me hard questions. Thanks. Compassion, plain and simple.
Saint Christopher pendant...Concern, plain and simple.
Coffee/Hot Chocolate, Mani/Pedi, lunch, paddle boats, monkey bars, sno cones...what a fun day! Best date ever. Can we do it again soon? Love, plain and simple.
Fresh cut flowers...to smell long and prosper. Living in the moment, plain and simple.
To the people that understand me....awww, shucks, you guys are pretty awesome!Thanks for filling me up and loving me just the way I am. Some of you I've known my entire life, some just a few short years, some for 5 minutes...but you have all touched me in ways that are beyond comprehension. Your connection, thank you. You bring balance to my peaceful center. You are my kind...plain and simple.
Thursday, June 16, 2016
We've Been Here Before
Today I had one of those serendipitous moments of things colliding in the most appropriate way. I was exploring in ways that have become the norm over the past few months. I had taken a break from unpacking, made a smoothie, sat on the back patio and read some poetry, like I had done hundreds of times before. The book fell open to a previously marked page and I read the poem in a curious manner...why had I marked this page?
Then I read the lines that followed:
...never fall in love with someone
who refuses to stare directly into your faults,
with compassion.
The whole of your heart is so much greater than
the sum of its parts.
-j.raymond
It was the second part that struck me...the whole of your heart is so much greater than the sum of its parts...in another variation, it was a saying I had heard before. This was not a self-help book...no, it was poetry, something that I would say more erotic in nature than wisdom filled or fluff. But the arrangement of words was just as good as any self-help book. The type of words that remind you that you are real, and have a tender heart, and when we are honest with ourselves, a fragile exterior.
Later in the day after the smoothie had been forgotten and the book placed aside I celebrated as I emptied the FINAL box from my move.The "whole lot of everything" box...the one that had, well, a whole lot of everything. I saved it for last...knowing that it was going to be a task to be tackled.
Among the sunglasses, nails, bike parts, socks and a passport, I came across a handwritten letter dated June 16, 2014...another lifetime ago...I inhaled abruptly and slowly exhaled when I realized that I happened to pick this letter up two years later, to the day...today. And frankly, I wasn't sure I wanted to read it.
Amber,
I've just spent the last hour taking a mental inventory of all that has happened since I met you. The list is long, and I won't bother recounting all of the moments and memories here. When I add them up somehow they still fail to summarize what has happened to us...our total is much greater than the sum of its parts.
...But you, your uncompromising "unattainable" faithfulness to what is REAL...WOW!...It's important to me that you realize how you challenge me to be more loving. Learning to be more loving is my life's work. To be with someone on the same path is encouraging, but to have someone who is as loving as you is downright inspiring. Somehow, you never seem to get lost in the hectic-ness of life. Despite this being such a stressful time, you never seem to lose sight of what is important...
I sat flummoxed for a moment...an exploration, a reminder that I'm right where I'm suppose to be, and an unwavering sense of self that even though circumstances have completely changed, my true being is still rock solid. Something I had not been so sure about over the span of my last lifetime. Funny how things have a way of lingering blithely upon the surface and affect us in ways we are unaware of...until we come upon these little reminders that give us an unwavering sense of clarity.
I took a moment to collect my thoughts. My heart was overwhelmed with peace in knowing that the words were just as true today as they were in 2014. I immediately felt a sense of appreciation and peace for being able to actualize that in which I had found to be a bit elusive...reading through the lens of someone else, I was able to recognize that no matter how far off the path I had thought I wandered...that I had actually never wandered far at all. It was all noise.
Life is still hectic, I try my best to keep what is important within sight, and I challenge myself and others to remember what is REAL...and I know, without a doubt, that the whole of my heart is so much greater than the sum of its parts. And that every relationship, friendship, or stranger in passing that I meet has the opportunity to experience the very real and raw essence that I can offer.
Perhaps I didn't recognize it fully at the time, or perhaps I had to experience what life held over 2 years before I was capable of recognizing it...but today I was reminded that people do exist in this world that are capable of seeing our true and genuine selves, and for us to settle for anything less than that would be offensive. We experience things and must look for the lesson, after the fact, mostly, and once we find our part in it we can forgive...and then and only then, will we be free.
Then I read the lines that followed:
...never fall in love with someone
who refuses to stare directly into your faults,
with compassion.
The whole of your heart is so much greater than
the sum of its parts.
-j.raymond
It was the second part that struck me...the whole of your heart is so much greater than the sum of its parts...in another variation, it was a saying I had heard before. This was not a self-help book...no, it was poetry, something that I would say more erotic in nature than wisdom filled or fluff. But the arrangement of words was just as good as any self-help book. The type of words that remind you that you are real, and have a tender heart, and when we are honest with ourselves, a fragile exterior.
Later in the day after the smoothie had been forgotten and the book placed aside I celebrated as I emptied the FINAL box from my move.The "whole lot of everything" box...the one that had, well, a whole lot of everything. I saved it for last...knowing that it was going to be a task to be tackled.
Among the sunglasses, nails, bike parts, socks and a passport, I came across a handwritten letter dated June 16, 2014...another lifetime ago...I inhaled abruptly and slowly exhaled when I realized that I happened to pick this letter up two years later, to the day...today. And frankly, I wasn't sure I wanted to read it.
Amber,
I've just spent the last hour taking a mental inventory of all that has happened since I met you. The list is long, and I won't bother recounting all of the moments and memories here. When I add them up somehow they still fail to summarize what has happened to us...our total is much greater than the sum of its parts.
...But you, your uncompromising "unattainable" faithfulness to what is REAL...WOW!...It's important to me that you realize how you challenge me to be more loving. Learning to be more loving is my life's work. To be with someone on the same path is encouraging, but to have someone who is as loving as you is downright inspiring. Somehow, you never seem to get lost in the hectic-ness of life. Despite this being such a stressful time, you never seem to lose sight of what is important...
I sat flummoxed for a moment...an exploration, a reminder that I'm right where I'm suppose to be, and an unwavering sense of self that even though circumstances have completely changed, my true being is still rock solid. Something I had not been so sure about over the span of my last lifetime. Funny how things have a way of lingering blithely upon the surface and affect us in ways we are unaware of...until we come upon these little reminders that give us an unwavering sense of clarity.
I took a moment to collect my thoughts. My heart was overwhelmed with peace in knowing that the words were just as true today as they were in 2014. I immediately felt a sense of appreciation and peace for being able to actualize that in which I had found to be a bit elusive...reading through the lens of someone else, I was able to recognize that no matter how far off the path I had thought I wandered...that I had actually never wandered far at all. It was all noise.
Life is still hectic, I try my best to keep what is important within sight, and I challenge myself and others to remember what is REAL...and I know, without a doubt, that the whole of my heart is so much greater than the sum of its parts. And that every relationship, friendship, or stranger in passing that I meet has the opportunity to experience the very real and raw essence that I can offer.
Perhaps I didn't recognize it fully at the time, or perhaps I had to experience what life held over 2 years before I was capable of recognizing it...but today I was reminded that people do exist in this world that are capable of seeing our true and genuine selves, and for us to settle for anything less than that would be offensive. We experience things and must look for the lesson, after the fact, mostly, and once we find our part in it we can forgive...and then and only then, will we be free.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
The Thought of All the Stupid Things I've Done
The END.
Any additional thoughts would be superfluous.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Nice To Meet You, Where You Been? Is That A Sausage in Your Pocket?
Why yes, it is! And I'm pretty sure I was shown some pretty incredible things over breakfast this morning...magic, madness, heaven and sin.
The only thing better than bacon is this:
Uh, yes, you read that correctly...bacon AND sausage...you have to be kidding me, right?!
Cooked 'em all up and put 'em in my pocket for my ride. Ate all 14 before I made it home.
Best. Refuel. EVER.
The only thing better than bacon is this:
Cooked 'em all up and put 'em in my pocket for my ride. Ate all 14 before I made it home.
Best. Refuel. EVER.
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