Then I read the lines that followed:
...never fall in love with someone
who refuses to stare directly into your faults,
with compassion.
The whole of your heart is so much greater than
the sum of its parts.
-j.raymond
It was the second part that struck me...the whole of your heart is so much greater than the sum of its parts...in another variation, it was a saying I had heard before. This was not a self-help book...no, it was poetry, something that I would say more erotic in nature than wisdom filled or fluff. But the arrangement of words was just as good as any self-help book. The type of words that remind you that you are real, and have a tender heart, and when we are honest with ourselves, a fragile exterior.
Later in the day after the smoothie had been forgotten and the book placed aside I celebrated as I emptied the FINAL box from my move.The "whole lot of everything" box...the one that had, well, a whole lot of everything. I saved it for last...knowing that it was going to be a task to be tackled.
Among the sunglasses, nails, bike parts, socks and a passport, I came across a handwritten letter dated June 16, 2014...another lifetime ago...I inhaled abruptly and slowly exhaled when I realized that I happened to pick this letter up two years later, to the day...today. And frankly, I wasn't sure I wanted to read it.
Amber,
I've just spent the last hour taking a mental inventory of all that has happened since I met you. The list is long, and I won't bother recounting all of the moments and memories here. When I add them up somehow they still fail to summarize what has happened to us...our total is much greater than the sum of its parts.
...But you, your uncompromising "unattainable" faithfulness to what is REAL...WOW!...It's important to me that you realize how you challenge me to be more loving. Learning to be more loving is my life's work. To be with someone on the same path is encouraging, but to have someone who is as loving as you is downright inspiring. Somehow, you never seem to get lost in the hectic-ness of life. Despite this being such a stressful time, you never seem to lose sight of what is important...
I sat flummoxed for a moment...an exploration, a reminder that I'm right where I'm suppose to be, and an unwavering sense of self that even though circumstances have completely changed, my true being is still rock solid. Something I had not been so sure about over the span of my last lifetime. Funny how things have a way of lingering blithely upon the surface and affect us in ways we are unaware of...until we come upon these little reminders that give us an unwavering sense of clarity.
I took a moment to collect my thoughts. My heart was overwhelmed with peace in knowing that the words were just as true today as they were in 2014. I immediately felt a sense of appreciation and peace for being able to actualize that in which I had found to be a bit elusive...reading through the lens of someone else, I was able to recognize that no matter how far off the path I had thought I wandered...that I had actually never wandered far at all. It was all noise.
Life is still hectic, I try my best to keep what is important within sight, and I challenge myself and others to remember what is REAL...and I know, without a doubt, that the whole of my heart is so much greater than the sum of its parts. And that every relationship, friendship, or stranger in passing that I meet has the opportunity to experience the very real and raw essence that I can offer.
Perhaps I didn't recognize it fully at the time, or perhaps I had to experience what life held over 2 years before I was capable of recognizing it...but today I was reminded that people do exist in this world that are capable of seeing our true and genuine selves, and for us to settle for anything less than that would be offensive. We experience things and must look for the lesson, after the fact, mostly, and once we find our part in it we can forgive...and then and only then, will we be free.
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