How Many Miles Have We Wandered

In college I had, what I call, a mini-epiphany...at the time, an event that led to an awareness that altered the path of my life. It was an incredible experience, in which I'm endlessly grateful to have had. I was lucky enough to have another one of these moments just a few short months ago, but on a much larger scale...MUCH larger. Nothing mini about it. It was an outright epiphany...an incredible realization of love in the rawest form accompanied by the feeling of complete nirvana. Really. Many years in the making and quite honestly the most excited and peaceful feeling that I had ever felt. Something to be celebrated with the "jump around the house and scream with delight" kind of excitement! An incredible place of being vulnerable and open.

And...

...in a single exhale of  "I'm all in"...I was asked to set life, as I knew it, free...

Talk about crushing. And confused and bewildered. The light feeling of floating as the floor crumbles around you, and you have no idea what to even do, say, or think...you are just suspended in time and space. Then the heaviness of knees hitting the floor because you have no idea what just hit you. And like that, I thought I was setting someone else free, but really I know now, that I set MYSELF free...in the most simple form...

And it's exactly what I needed to get back to doing me.

And I've been reminded of it time and time again on this little adventure of mine. It's not really even something I can put into words and do it justice...its me out here exploring wide open spaces...uninterrupted. Endless miles of pavement, and the occasional dirt road, lend to an incredible exploration of the mind and the self...and what it really means to be free and to be "all in"...the moment we exhale everything and inhale what it feels like to be absolutely in love with life.

My thoughts are filled: passion, dance, family, friends, love, life and its journey, future, present, past, music, the kids I teach - who really teach me a thing or two each day, shade, and sun, sounds, moving, what's next, comfort zones, the lives we touch, food, water, home, Festival, the people and things that touch us, fresh produce, facades, the truth, being Miss Amber, uncertainty, pain, time, wide open space, cows, laughter, living, counting, letting go, forgiveness, crooked handlebars, crashing, tears, change, vulnerability, power lines to nowhere, simplicity, dirt roads, climbing mountains, smoothies, trusting, acting 16, tan lines, bruised toenails, rain, and most importantly...embracing the moment and believing in myself. Often it is hard and I get anxious knowing that things are waiting for me at home...but somehow I find the calm and know that for now I am tending to myself, and there is nothing more important than that.