BElieve in YOUrself

I took a big gulp as I closed the car door behind me. I almost didn't go in. Who really needs milk anyway (says the girl who drinks two gallons each week...by herself)? Picture this: It was a Tuesday night in the Winco parking lot. I was without a coat. And an Eagle Fire Department truck was parked to my right. I shook my head as I walked in the store. Small details...

Courage is something we all have, some more than others, but we all possess it. It gets stifled at times, completely lost at others, and yet it is in its release that we truly experience it. I am constantly reminded of it as dancers walk through the doors of the studio each and every day.

Be confident. Show your courage.
Stay brave.
Push through it.
Feel it.
Make the mistake...and make it big!
Keep smiling.
It might be hard, but keep trying.

Simply put...get over it.

I'm sure my teenage dancers roll their eyes each time I say it. But I smile each time they do it! And they do it frequently. I've witnessed it in great measure as they choreograph their own piece. As little legs leap over the large storage bin. I know the pain in pointe shoes, burning quads, somersaults, and 12 oz cans of green beans. It's the courage of big brother J learning the 5 ballet positions from little sister C...courage on so many levels...

I'm amazed how frequently and easily children show courage. And how honest they are about their own doubts. And how willing they are to be themselves. Perhaps we should take note.

Walking into Winco that night I felt the strength of my young dancers with me, reminding me to embrace my own courage. They were there to help me get over the noise from the "small details"...there I was on a Tuesday night, a 36 year old ballerina in multi-colored cat pants, rockin' a new cat shirt even, and the Eagle firefighters just so happened to be buying groceries at the exact moment of my milk deprivation...for those of you that have not seen the Eagle Fire Department Calendar, well...you just won't understand. For the rest of you...yeah, that really happened.

Pull your big girl cat pants up and get inspired by big brother J to find your own courage...wherever and whatever it may be...tip toe if needed, or take a daring leap...just believe in yourself. Be YOU.

Peaceful Easy Feeling

...I want to sleep with you in the desert tonight with a billion stars all around...

                                                                               ...I know you won't let me down.

There's a Calm Before the Storm, I know; It's Been Coming for Some Time

A journal entry from October 2015:

...a pang in my heart and welling behind the eyes. A smile and a goodbye. A peaceful beauty encapsulated by turmoil. In the immediate days prior, I felt insignificance, wonderment, sadness, a shattered heart, renewal, longing, being recognized, gratitude, stiffness and validation. And now a new feeling in my chest, one that feels a bit like "butterflies"...probably due to the newness of my shifting experience. And a sweaty right arm-pit. I've always wondered why my right arm pit sweats, and not my left...I digress...all very much playing significant roles in my journey.

There I was sitting at a gas station where HWY 21 and HWY 75 meet, having just walked through the pouring rain...I smiled at the man walking across the parking lot, a real smile...my heart immediately filled with the warmness that his smile offered back. The connection. The unplanned, minute event that I allowed myself to feel. I wasn't sure how it was going to be unleashed, but in that parking lot I came to know...

As I frantically rushed to the lake, the posted rules of the road crawled through my thoughts and I was annoyed, but I obeyed. I obeyed and felt ANNOYED. I wasn't annoyed at the road, or the rules...I was annoyed that I couldn't get there fast enough. I was able to feel it. Truly FEEL it. When I turned off the highway, my feelings took control and I went faster, I was safe, but fast. The 3 miles reminded me of "Caution Flying Debris"...I laughed. I laughed because it was funny. My body trembled, my heart raced and my right arm pit was soaked. I'm pretty sure my door was open before I came to a complete stop. I walked calmly to the edge of the lake...the howl of the wind was crisp against my face. And just like that a peaceful chaos erupted...

Present day, January 2016:

The caution sign was something I had stumbled upon on a trip to the same mountain lake 2 months prior to my journal entry...I laughed then, too. Snapped a picture and filed it away until today. There I was in the middle of the wilderness, perplexed as to what the flying debris could have been.

I do believe now, on the outer fringe of things in which I have no control over, somewhere in the storage room of my subconscious mind, the caution sign had spoke directly to me. Flying debris was percolating, and I was completely unaware of it.

And in October, at the waters edge, I released my flying debris...

Set completely free.